Title : A Dire Warning: You Must Never Brunch Without These 5 Mimosas
link : A Dire Warning: You Must Never Brunch Without These 5 Mimosas
A Dire Warning: You Must Never Brunch Without These 5 Mimosas
Brunch is a dangerous game. A VERY dangerous game. It is also a verb. And before you brunch, there are certain rules to which you must strictly adhere.
From the moment we're born, we learn how to navigate our world safely and responsibly. Don't eat marbles. Don't talk to strangers. Look both ways before you cross the street. Don't have unprotected sex with random bartenders in Miami. Never feed a Gremlin after midnight. Don't maintain a secret collection of desiccated boogers, scabs, and fingernail clippings under your bed. Don't sniff your underwear in public. Don't use a Cabbage Patch Kid shoe as an ashtray or a wooden clothespin as a roach clip.
And so on.
But perhaps nothing is more crucial than theone two three four five types of mimosas that you should never--NEVER--brunch without. If you thought that there was only one mimosa and that it was $11 Proseco and Tropicana from concentrate you are deeply mistaken my friend.
There is something called a "creamsicle mimosa," a "tequila sunrise" mimosa, and a "sangria mimosa," among others. It's all very complicated and it's too complex to go into here. I can't explain calculus to a silverback gorilla for fuck's sake!
For now suffice it to say: you don't know what you don't know.
Brunch is a human need, you understand. Like water. Like shelter. Like Netflix n' Chill. A simple lean-to packed with mud and leaves, a fresh source of running water, and free WiFi with a goat cheese and micro-greens quiche and bottomless mimosas or bloody marys for $27.
This is all you need.
You venture into Brooklyn or Portland on a Sunday morning between 10:00 and 2:00 at your own peril if you're unprepared to brunch without this critical know-how.
Going to brunch without a baseline understanding l of the possible Mimosas you could order is like climbing Mount Everest from base camp in a blizzard with no Sherpas or extra oxygen. It's like getting into the cockpit of an airplane never having flown a plane before and trying to circumnavigate the Bermuda Triangle. It's like trying to perform neurosurgery on a moving rickshaw with nothing but chopsticks.
So please. Don't try me with "it's just a mimosa" or "it's just brunch." There are five--count them FIVE--mimosas you should never, NEVER brunch without.
From the moment we're born, we learn how to navigate our world safely and responsibly. Don't eat marbles. Don't talk to strangers. Look both ways before you cross the street. Don't have unprotected sex with random bartenders in Miami. Never feed a Gremlin after midnight. Don't maintain a secret collection of desiccated boogers, scabs, and fingernail clippings under your bed. Don't sniff your underwear in public. Don't use a Cabbage Patch Kid shoe as an ashtray or a wooden clothespin as a roach clip.
And so on.
But perhaps nothing is more crucial than the
There is something called a "creamsicle mimosa," a "tequila sunrise" mimosa, and a "sangria mimosa," among others. It's all very complicated and it's too complex to go into here. I can't explain calculus to a silverback gorilla for fuck's sake!
For now suffice it to say: you don't know what you don't know.
Brunch is a human need, you understand. Like water. Like shelter. Like Netflix n' Chill. A simple lean-to packed with mud and leaves, a fresh source of running water, and free WiFi with a goat cheese and micro-greens quiche and bottomless mimosas or bloody marys for $27.
This is all you need.
You venture into Brooklyn or Portland on a Sunday morning between 10:00 and 2:00 at your own peril if you're unprepared to brunch without this critical know-how.
Going to brunch without a baseline understanding l of the possible Mimosas you could order is like climbing Mount Everest from base camp in a blizzard with no Sherpas or extra oxygen. It's like getting into the cockpit of an airplane never having flown a plane before and trying to circumnavigate the Bermuda Triangle. It's like trying to perform neurosurgery on a moving rickshaw with nothing but chopsticks.
So please. Don't try me with "it's just a mimosa" or "it's just brunch." There are five--count them FIVE--mimosas you should never, NEVER brunch without.
Thus Article A Dire Warning: You Must Never Brunch Without These 5 Mimosas
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