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Title : Let’s Talk About All the Therapy Eleven from Stranger Things Will Need the Minute She Turns 25
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Let’s Talk About All the Therapy Eleven from Stranger Things Will Need the Minute She Turns 25

*Caution: may contain spoilers*

I grew up reading Stephen King and watching E.T., The Goonies, and Reality Bites in the theater and also on VHS. So naturally I have devoured Stranger Things on Netflix. 

Only one thing detracts from my enjoyment of this groundbreaking series, and that’s contemplating the RIDICULOUS amount of therapy 13 year-old “Eleven” (a.k.a. “El”) will inevitably need when she grows up.

Let’s break this down:

Eleven (nee Jane’s) mom, Terry, is a test-subject in a secret CIA mind control project, with whom Eleven has zero contact until early adolescence.

You’re not off to a great start in life when you’re born to a test-subject in a CIA mind control study. Things get even worse when you put a blindfold over your eyes at age 13 while imprisoned by a cop in a cabin in the woods, access a secret dimension, and find your mom sitting catatonic in a rocking chair, only to reach out to touch her as she evaporates into the ether. This experience alone justifies a lifetime of psychoanalysis.

Jane is stolen at birth by a mad scientist she calls “Papa” who re-names her “Eleven,” and raises her in a CIA lab in Hawkins, Indiana.

Being stolen from your mother at birth by a cold nutty professor who makes you call him “Papa” is a pretty bad turn of events. When Papa changes your name from “Jane” to “Eleven,” experiments on you continuously by attaching nodes to your head, and places you in a sensory deprivation tank on the reg—in buttfuck Indiana of all places—you’re pretty much guaranteeing future daddy issues.

Eleven escapes from the lab and is hunted down by the CIA, but a group of pre-teen boys rescues her first.

So Eleven escapes “Papa” only to be rescued by four more boys, one of whom gives her yet another name—“El.” Sure the boys are nice and the group develops a close friendship. But escaping one male captor/protector only to bounce into the orbit of four more is unlikely to help resolve any of the aforementioned daddy and control issues that are fully entrenched in her neuropathways by this point.

She has telepathic abilities and chronic nosebleeds.

This is admittedly pretty cool. But being able to open a can of Diet Coke with your mind while blood runs down your face is not normal. So at a minimum, Eleven will need to process issues of difference amid her peers.

She is forced to subsist on Eggo waffles and dead squirrels.

Early experience of fight-or-flight will trigger the trauma centers of the brain and require complete realignment of the nervous system later in life. Living on the run from men who wish to experiment on you while being forced to hunt and roast squirrels in the snowy forest via telekenisis for the better part of a year is the stuff PTSD nightmares are made of.

Eleven is imprisoned by a well-meaning but recovering alcoholic police officer in a dilapidated cabin in the woods “for her own safety.”

In case you’re counting, this is the second adult male in Eleven’s life to forcibly take control of her personal space, body, and autonomy under rather desperate circumstances. The man happens to be a police officer who is grieving the loss of his own child and using El as a proxy for his grief. He establishes “rules” for her “safety” and basically pretends to be her new daddy. The cop later adopts El without her knowledge and gives her a yet ANOTHER legal name, only letting her out of the house to go to a middle school dance with her little boyfriend, Mike. FUCKING DADDY ISSUES UP THE YIN-YANG, PEOPLE! What a mess.

She finds out she has a “sister” lab subject named "Eight" who can make people hallucinate, and stays with Eight and a pack of teen runaways.

The fact that this is the least bizarre and traumatic thing to happen to Eleven should be your first clue as to the extent of the therapy she will someday require.

She has a cute boyfriend who will inevitably stop being her cute boyfriend in six months and break her heart.

Sadly, this makes Eleven like every other heterosexual girl on the planet who needs therapy someday. You know what they say, the first cut is the deepest.

Thus Article Let’s Talk About All the Therapy Eleven from Stranger Things Will Need the Minute She Turns 25

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