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Title : Only 363 More Days Until Someone Lectures Me to BE THANKFUL! SAY WHAT YOU’RE THANKFUL FOR YOU UNGRATEFUL WRETCH!
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Only 363 More Days Until Someone Lectures Me to BE THANKFUL! SAY WHAT YOU’RE THANKFUL FOR YOU UNGRATEFUL WRETCH!

Lecturing a neurotic, anxious, barely-controlled-with-medicine depressive semi-lunatic to “BE GRATEFUL!” and “SAY WHAT YOU’RE THANKFUL FOR!” is like screaming at a fish to “KEEP SWIMMING, YOU SCALEY ASSHOLE!”

Like seriously, I assure you I’m already implementing this directive. On steroids.

I’ve read all the articles and the studies and I get it: mindfulness is good, gratitude is better, and mindful gratitude is an elusive nirvana where you’re permanently stoned on your own sticky dank nugs of inner peace. It’s high concept, and I have to get there. 

For now though, I’m here, and here is light years away from there. Where’s here? I’m glad you asked!

Here is where I watch my kid turn on the faucet and actively think to myself, wow, I can’t believe he can just drink clean water right out of a tap instead of having to walk barefoot three miles one way to a well full of fecal coliform bacteria!

Here is where I appraise every car, gun, turbulent plane ride, and weird skin mole as a future harbinger of death to me or someone I love, and feel relief when the sun sets each night and the Grim Reaper is miraculously held at bay for just one more day.

Here is where I put watermelon rinds into the compost, turn up the thermostat to 73, and thumb through the American Girl Doll catalogue while marveling that a plastic doll named Kelsey has her own snowboard—a piece of expensive althletic equipment that most human girls on earth don’t even know exists, much less use, much less have a DOLL who uses it.

So believe me when I tell you that I’m grateful. I PROMISE. I don’t need a special day where I’m forced to announce all of my gratitude out loud lest the aggressive Industrial Gratitude-Shaming Complex accuse me of being a self-absorbed ingrate.

I’m already grateful. Maybe a little too grateful, even. Can’t I just be crazy 364 days a year and take the 365th off? Is that too much to ask?

No?!

THANK YOU!

Thus Article Only 363 More Days Until Someone Lectures Me to BE THANKFUL! SAY WHAT YOU’RE THANKFUL FOR YOU UNGRATEFUL WRETCH!

That's an article Only 363 More Days Until Someone Lectures Me to BE THANKFUL! SAY WHAT YOU’RE THANKFUL FOR YOU UNGRATEFUL WRETCH! This time, hopefully can give benefits to all of you. well, see you in posting other articles.

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