Title : This Time, It Will Be Different
link : This Time, It Will Be Different
This Time, It Will Be Different
Dear Paige,
I take it you've noticed that I've tried to get back into regular exercise. I guess that's why you asked to use the treadmill (f.k.a. clothes rack).
It's been a long time--almost ten years since I've made any effort to move my body on a regular basis. I had to ask myself why this was, and I had some ready answers, but none of them were the whole truth.
Yes, you and your brother took up all my time and energy. 5:00 a.m. and 9:00 p.m. were the only reliable hours I had available to work out, but my body screamed to be asleep at those times. Yes, my eczema was terrible and sweat made it burn. Yes, I could maintain a healthy weight without exercising.
But now you and Isaac are a little older, and I have a little more time. You're turning 10 in a month, but look like a teenager all of a sudden. I'm on a new eczema drug and my skin is much improved. I'm 40 and I am out of excuses.
It's time to exercise again, and I knew that if I was going to stick with it this time, I needed to be honest with myself about the source of my exercise avoidance. Yes, it was about concrete things like time and skin, but it was also about psychological obstacles more than physical ones.
In my growing-up years, there were only two reasons to exercise: to excel at the high school and college sports that I played, and to be thin. That was it. Full stop. There was no other reason to move your body. "Runners high" paled in comparison to "real" chemical highs.
There was no reason to exercise unless it made me a better athlete or slowly, deliberately shaved weight and fat off my body, pushing me ever closer to that unattainable standard of beauty that all women and girls are trained to strive for.
Franma and Baba were great parents and wanted my life to be easy, that's all. Someday, you might be parent too and see our mistakes with perspective and humanity. They wanted me to not "struggle." As a girl, that meant being thin. Otherwise, I might never have a boyfriend or a good job.
So I tried to be good. I tried to count almonds and exercise every day until it all fell apart, and I couldn't hold the center and all I had to show for my years of abstemious diet and exercise was two eating disorders and low self esteem.
I think I've been honest with you: I'm happy you love dance and gymnastics and figure skating so much. But I worry about those sports and what they do (or used to do?) to girls' bodies.
I've put it to you bluntly: "I don't want you to get an eating disorder." I want you to have what I didn't have. Isn't that what every mother wants for her children?
I want you to have a good, undisturbed mechanism to self-regulate your appetite. I want you to have a healthy relationship with exercise that is grounded in moving your body in a way that feels good and is not connected to some ever-moving goalpost of physical Western beauty standardized perfection, but rather just something that feels good for its own sake in the moment that you're doing it.
I need to rewire my own brain to approach exercise this way. This time, it will be different. I hope you can help me get there.
Love,
Mommy
I take it you've noticed that I've tried to get back into regular exercise. I guess that's why you asked to use the treadmill (f.k.a. clothes rack).
It's been a long time--almost ten years since I've made any effort to move my body on a regular basis. I had to ask myself why this was, and I had some ready answers, but none of them were the whole truth.
Yes, you and your brother took up all my time and energy. 5:00 a.m. and 9:00 p.m. were the only reliable hours I had available to work out, but my body screamed to be asleep at those times. Yes, my eczema was terrible and sweat made it burn. Yes, I could maintain a healthy weight without exercising.
But now you and Isaac are a little older, and I have a little more time. You're turning 10 in a month, but look like a teenager all of a sudden. I'm on a new eczema drug and my skin is much improved. I'm 40 and I am out of excuses.
It's time to exercise again, and I knew that if I was going to stick with it this time, I needed to be honest with myself about the source of my exercise avoidance. Yes, it was about concrete things like time and skin, but it was also about psychological obstacles more than physical ones.
In my growing-up years, there were only two reasons to exercise: to excel at the high school and college sports that I played, and to be thin. That was it. Full stop. There was no other reason to move your body. "Runners high" paled in comparison to "real" chemical highs.
There was no reason to exercise unless it made me a better athlete or slowly, deliberately shaved weight and fat off my body, pushing me ever closer to that unattainable standard of beauty that all women and girls are trained to strive for.
Franma and Baba were great parents and wanted my life to be easy, that's all. Someday, you might be parent too and see our mistakes with perspective and humanity. They wanted me to not "struggle." As a girl, that meant being thin. Otherwise, I might never have a boyfriend or a good job.
So I tried to be good. I tried to count almonds and exercise every day until it all fell apart, and I couldn't hold the center and all I had to show for my years of abstemious diet and exercise was two eating disorders and low self esteem.
I think I've been honest with you: I'm happy you love dance and gymnastics and figure skating so much. But I worry about those sports and what they do (or used to do?) to girls' bodies.
I've put it to you bluntly: "I don't want you to get an eating disorder." I want you to have what I didn't have. Isn't that what every mother wants for her children?
I want you to have a good, undisturbed mechanism to self-regulate your appetite. I want you to have a healthy relationship with exercise that is grounded in moving your body in a way that feels good and is not connected to some ever-moving goalpost of physical Western beauty standardized perfection, but rather just something that feels good for its own sake in the moment that you're doing it.
I need to rewire my own brain to approach exercise this way. This time, it will be different. I hope you can help me get there.
Love,
Mommy
Thus Article This Time, It Will Be Different
That's an article This Time, It Will Be Different This time, hopefully can give benefits to all of you. well, see you in posting other articles.
You are now reading the article This Time, It Will Be Different with the link address https://janggalnews.blogspot.com/2017/11/this-time-it-will-be-different.html
0 Response to "This Time, It Will Be Different"
Post a Comment