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Title : Well This is Awkward ...
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Well This is Awkward ...

Let’s get this out of the way first. Sex work is the oldest profession in the world, and who am I to knock it? No one! That’s who.

Although this career path has never appealed to me personally, I get that some women do it proudly and enjoy it. Others feel forced to do it, and fortunately I have never been in the position of needing to trade sex for money to pay bills, feed an addiction, or receive a quid pro quo for a job or possessions.

All of these are very real concerns for millions of women all over the world and, I assume, right here in Juneau where this latest Craigslist ad originates. So it’s not the idea that someone would exchange sex for rent that raises a brow. That seems perfectly plausible, especially in this housing market.

It’s more the awkward way that the guy who wrote this ad frames the arrangement.

Dude basically wants a live-in sex worker to offset the cost of his rent. Cool, cool. But he doesn’t exactly say that, despite claiming that he’s “looking for exactly what it sounds like.”

You can almost see him typing this ad up on his laptop at Heritage or the Rookery, picking at a raisin scone and fumbling around for the right way to explain that he wants a blow job 3x per week in exchange for a woman’s free range of the thermostat. This line in particular jumps off the page:

My offer includes me covering all or most or half of the rent, utilities, etc. How much I pay is up to you, if you pay more we negotiate fewer benefits (I’ll just say it now . . . sex) if you want to pay less or even nothing then the “benefits” are more often.

He goes on to suggest that the person responding should indicate her general ballpark of how much rent she’s willing to pay: “zero, quarter, half or dollar amount” to see if an agreement can be reached.

Frankly I think it’s easier if he just offers package deals, sort of like cable and internet.

ZERO RENT PACKAGE: Woman pays zero rent or utilities, in exchange for which she will submit to the following sex acts on demand [enumerate sex acts here] and act "ablaze to enjoy it."

HALF RENT PACKAGE: Woman pays half rent and utilities, in which case she will submit to the following weekly schedule of the following sex acts to be performed at the times specified [enumerate sex acts here]. Half rent package includes teaching dude difference between "here" and "hear," and possibly your/you're/yore and they're/their/there.

A LA CARTE PACKAGE: Woman performs specific sex acts each month in exchange for particular goods and services such as two blow jobs per week = $25 off rent for the month and covered parking space; full intercourse in missionary position on command once per week = $50 off rent for the month and own shelf in shared refrigerator.

Really this last package deal is no different from casual or unspoken arrangements many roommates and even spouses, I assume, fall into over the years. For example, offering to suck a dick in exchange for putting children to bed. I have never heard of this happening before, mind you. I’m just saying it’s possible that this sort of thing has happened behind closed doors. I’m just guessing. I don’t know this for a fact. It’s just that many people are saying it’s happened.

I’ll stop now.

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