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Title : Today’s Headlines
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Today’s Headlines

By Grand Rapids Anonymous
Sunday, April 1, 2018 at 10:57:00 A.M. EDT

1) Stormy Daniels claims Trump is her child's father—seeks back child support. Trump agrees to appear on Maury Povich.

2) NBC decides to clean house of minorities. “All of our minority employees, except for Al Roker, will be fired immediately,” NBC CEO Stephen Burke announced. “We did a headcount recently and there are three times as many minorities working here as whites. NBC wants to apologize to the hard-working majority of white America. This does not reflect who we are as a country. As of today, we will no longer be the Negro Broadcast Company.

3) Blacks decide to leave America for Africa. “After all these years,” said Barack Obama, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton in a joint statement, “we've proven that we cannot assimilate with whites. The races ARE different. We need to go back—if whites will help us.

4) Weather in NY today: Sunny and warm, high of 80.

5) Grand Rapids Anonymous donates 1 million dollars to NSU. THAT is, unfortunately, an impossibility. But good for April Fools’ day news.

April Fools’!

Thus Article Today’s Headlines

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