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Title : Seriously What the Actual Fuck is Even HAPPENING Right Now?!
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Seriously What the Actual Fuck is Even HAPPENING Right Now?!

Sometimes I just need to step back, duck out of the proverbial storm for a minute, and ask myself the following question: Seriously, what the ACTUAL FUCK is even happening right now?!

Fortunately, I have some ME TIME™️ today to contemplate the answer. My Me Time™️ will not now, nor will it ever, involve yoga or errands. Rather, my Me Time™️ = lying in bed, eating toast, dozing intermittently, and shaking my head in abject disbelief while staring into this glowing rectangle of doom until it’s time to pick up my crotch fruit from school and Make Memories™️ while pretending they’ll still inherit a livable planet.

It will also involve ruminating on exactly how fucking CONFUSED I am. Like ALLLLL of the time. 

This picture of Kanye and Sarah Huckabee Sanders chillaxing in the Oval Office is the Maraschino cherry atop the giant shit sundae of American dystopia that we’ve been shoveling into our collective faces since 11/9/16. 

And all it serves to do is further cement my confusion.

I mean, I’m given to understand that all three branches of our government have been seized in a silent coup led by a hollowed-out decorative gourd-headed crypto-Nazi, catalyzed by white grievance and its slavish devotion to the police state, and enabled by civic apathy all to the exclusive benefit of an elite oligarchy of filthy rich latter-day robber barons who plan to strip the earth for parts before escaping to Mars in a spaceship and leaving the rest of us to quite literally burn to death.

That much I get. It’s all the OTHER stuff that’s so confusing.

Like what is the meaning of Ambasador Kanye? Do you think Sarah Sanders hates herself as much as the rest of us do? How is the fact that the President of the United States is a self-confessed sexual assailant and intellectually and financially bankrupt unindicted white collar criminal like WAY below the fold news?

Who do we believe? Where does the echo chamber begin and end? Is my break from reality all Putin’s fault? Is this what psychological warfare looks like? If there’s another Civil War, will I have to eat hard tack and homegrown snap peas or can I still go to Costco for those organic chicken skewers?

My grip on reality is at “freehand ice climbing on a frozen waterfall” level right now.

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